I love being a mom, what an absolute gift–it has been my favorite season of life. In the week leading up to mother’s day this year, I was thinking about the birth mothers of three of my children. One of the reasons I love being a mom so much is because of the circumstances I am surrounded with. The extra time I get with them, the days I get to drink in their goodness, unhurried, with peace in the life that I have. The ways I get to bless them, and see the light in their eyes, teach them.
That moment I had Finley, 6 years ago, was surreal. Handing me that perfect boy was one of the best moments of my life. But what about those three women who couldn’t?
I don’t know these women but I have reason to believe they are/were beautiful souls with difficult lives. Lives where they were in danger and hurting, things most of us could never imagine for ourselves. I know that poverty can happen to anyone, even those most hard-working, and I absolutely know that addiction isn’t a cause of someone who’s ‘bad’ ‘sinful’ ‘naughty’ but oftentimes sensitive souls with deep shame they are trying to burry and numb. Compulsion born from a learned sense of shame and being unlovable. A lie I wish no one was forced to believe, but it’s more common than many realize.
Knowing that, I hold them in my heart, and wish that the love, patience and gentleness extended to the child who was once in their womb could have touched them when they were young. That they could have felt good and loved completely. That their parents could have loved and provided for them, as we now have the honor to care for the little ones that they couldn’t. If I could ever not care for Finley when he was born, the only dying wish I would have is that someone would see his soul and love him for it. And that is the legacy I promise to these three women who have touched our lives. We will hold your weary bodies, broken souls, tearful eyes, and do the work I know would have been your joy.
We honor these mothers. Your legacy will live on in ways I wish you each could have experienced, but rest knowing the little one who grew in your womb is loved and free. Seriously, so very loved by many. They know their gifts as humans, they are kind, they love God and know they are loved by him.
We let them each choose a flower in remembrance.
Daddy helped plant them, and once they were firmly planted, I asked them to take a moment, smell their flower and say a special thank you to their birth mother for giving them life.
Thoughts and feelings about birth families are important to adopted children. It’s something we want to weave into their lives, and create an open place for them to come and talk to us about it anytime. We never want to be those insecure parents who are like, focused only on ourselves, thinking it rude to ever wonder, ever question the origin of it all, no way jose!
Our garden looks BEAUTIFUL with the new additions.
We ended the night with a homemade veggie lasagna, it was so good! I wish I wrote down the recipe.
And Andrew surprised me with a dairy free, maca chocolate cheese cake, I about died of deliciousness.
(For the lasagna, I used my mandolin on zucchinis, and made the cheese out of soaked cashews)
Happy mothers day to all the mothers, soon to be mothers, birth mothers, and everyone on this day. You are loved more than you ever know. If you are someone struggling from addiction or in any way, please know there is help for you, and your life is worth getting that help. You were created to be loved, there is no part of you that is yucky and you are worthy to be loved at all times.
How awsome ! A big lesson of love…
What a lovely idea! I am not married yet, but I already know that I am infertile (no ovaries will do that…) and so will be adopting all of my children. Honoring their birth mothers on Mothers day is definitely something I will keep in mind. What a wonderful, loving way of telling your kids that their origins are nothing to be ashamed of or to try to hide, as well as honestly remembering that the kids’ birth moms matter, too. A chance to pray for them and honor them even if you’ve never met. After all, they took care of your children for at least the first 9 months of their lives, and in some countries that is not an easy or automatic choice to make. I don’t ever want to give my kids the impression that it’s not okay to miss or have questions about their “other mothers”. Thanks so much for the lesson! I’ll use this for sure!
This was the most beautiful post. Your selfless attitude and respectful tone you have about the birth mothers of your children is breathtaking and shows me what is possible. As someone who is also thinking about adopting when I start my family, I often wondered how I would broach this topic and how I would feel about it. I thank you for your loving example and lightheartedness around a heavy topic. Thank you for making this day not (only) about you, but about all mothers. I want you to know that my boyfriend and I are thinking about adoption, and as a Catholic woman I have been following your journey of motherhood and faith in heartfelt gratitude for a few years now. Thank YOU for being such a wonderful mother.
Such a beautiful post. I definitely hope to honor the birth mothers of my future adopted children as well. Also, I feel like Elijah looks ten years older than I remember him. How did that happen!?
I may be forty and due to deliver number 11 but one day when I grow up I hope I learn to love as well as you do! I have long dreamed of being an adoptive mommy but now that I am it is much harder than I would have thought! I think bio kids showed me my selfishness while my adopted kids have revealed my pride so here is to laying down ones self and walking in humility. thank you for blogging, I have been blessed and encouraged by it. I do believe that you and your husband have had breakthrough in bonding with your children that my husband and I are still going after and would be grateful if you would pray for that to become a reality in our home.
Your writing and photos are so inspiring and have made an impact on me. You should write a book 🙂 Thank you for taking the time to share, I often check to see if there is something new to read!