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Giving Milkshakes to Toddlers in a Fancy Place

I am going to tell you this story so that the next time you are out with your toddler and they throw a fit, you’ll feel good about yourself, you’re fine.

The other week we were invited to an opening of the kids line of J.Crew called, Crewcuts.  “Food and snacks…” is what I read, and I got the kids ready to go.

We walked in to the pristine new store, with nice lighting, cute decor, and expensive clothing, folded meticulously in neat little stacks by color.

“Oh hi, you must be here for the grand opening, come right this way!  Come see our photo booth and hors d’oeuvres.”

“Oh–why thank you,” I responded, it was so fancy.  We pretty much did not fit in, but hey, free snacks.

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Meanwhile, servers in crisp white collared shirts brought out hip wooden serving trays and bright smiles to my kids with a variety of fun kids foods on them; bumps on a log, kale salad, watermelon juice, cheesy crackers.  Some of the kids were like, “Um, excuse me, what is this?” as they looked on warily, and my kids were like, “MOVE,” as they got theirs.

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The two boys went in separate ways, the sugar from the juice creating a toddler energy elixer which causes lots of grabbings and touching of neatly stacked clothing.

A smartly dressed asian man with a bow tie hovered close, “Would you like a napkin?” he asked me over my shoulder.

“Nah….” I started to say until I caught his nervous eyes–he must be the manager, or at least somehow emotionally connected to these stacked clothes–“Um, surrrre, yes, I’ll take one.”

He handed me 10.

“Alright boys and girls, I hope you are all enjoying your time, it’s almost time for the cookies and milkshakes!!!” the event coordinator told us.

All the kids started stamping their feet, my kids looked like they had actual tears of joy in their eyes and so did the man with the bow-tie, although his weren’t joyful.

In came the servers with trays of hip little metal cups and paper straws, filled to the brim with thick, creamy, milky goodness, topped with whipped cream, and handed one to each child.  Even the very small, very busy ones, like mine.

We didn’t hear from Finley for 15 minutes.

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Elijah is very petite, and it has been hard for him to hold things.  He also likes to not focus too hard on things for too long, I mean, in whole world of new sights and sounds and things to RUN to every minute, why not?

I just kept thinking to myself, “You guys are doing this to yourself, giving a bunch of kids milkshakes, ahhahahahhaha!”

And sure enough, right on their beautiful new green rug, the huge, heavy metal cup they gave to my tiny child with tiny hands fell.  If it were a plastic or paper cup, perhaps it would have stayed where it landed, but metal is different.  It ricocheted off of the pristine, wooden ground with a ringing sound, sailing back up into the air at a height you wouldn’t quiet believe unless you saw it, flailing milkshakes on all clothing around–the bow-tied man immediately present with as many napkins as he could muster before it even stopped coursing through the air.

Elijah was a hot mess of tears, and a kind server offered him another one, “NO!” the bow-tie and I said in unison.

After it was cleaned up, I giggled with some moms about inviting toddlers into a store and giving them milkshakes, but we were happy with it as everyone ran around, children, servers, anxious store employees, while us moms just enjoyed.

They passed around cookies, the final nail on the sugar induced coma coffin my kids needed before the final meltdowns of wailing and kicking in their super cute clothes.

“I DONT WANT TO GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” in unison as Maria and I rolled up our sleeves to try and hoist them out of here.

“THANK YOU CREWCUTS!” I called, un-ironically, we actually had an amazing time and they gave Maria a notebook with her name on it and a HUGE lollypop, which the boys also had feelings about.  Lots of deep, emotional feelings, with chocolate shake milk mustaches.

I loaded their sticky hot mess of tear-and-snack stained faces into the car, “Whoa guys!” I told them, “That was a lot of sugary induced emotions!”  They nodded their heads, and we went home for a bath and bed.

Next time your kid embarrasses you in public, just think, at least mine isn’t tossing milkshakes with a splatter radius of 7 feet!  If your child has embarrassed you in public, please share!


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  • Joolzmac October 8, 2014, 10:04 pm

    Oh, I just laughed out loud, reading about that bouncing milkshake! You described the whole excursion absolutely perfectly. 🙂

  • Joolzmac October 8, 2014, 10:05 pm

    Oh, and I tried your mango and cucumber whizzed dressing! Mind blown!

    • tinyteam October 9, 2014, 2:27 pm

      Wahoo! SO glad!

  • Melissa October 9, 2014, 11:17 am

    BOINGsplat! I love it. What were these people thinking? For a group of people opening a children’s clothing store, they sure don’t know children! 😉

    And I have to say that I envisioned your store manager as a cross between Eric Blore and Mr. Belvedere.

    • tinyteam October 9, 2014, 2:28 pm


  • anna October 9, 2014, 12:26 pm

    Hey – I have question about kombucha. I recently bought some from a store to see if I liked it or not before going all out and making my own. I think it tastes awful. I got this kind, IDK if you have had it before or not http://www.vitadigest.com/groc-722430200163.html Is it just that kind that tastes so fizzy and so much like beer? Is there a way to make it without a fizz and the beery taste?

    • tinyteam October 9, 2014, 2:29 pm

      Haha, oh no! Many times they vary in flavor based on brand. The kind we make at home is pretty sweet and mild, with a slight fizz. It should not taste like beer at all! Lol! Have you tried Synergy brand? I think it is similar to that.