Today my friend brings home three children forever via adoption from foster care. “I am on the brink of a life change, I feel like I am saying goodbye to this season of my life…” she said, excited—anxious, nervous.
“And you won’t even remember what you used to do with your time prior,” we smiled at her, then laughed at the truth of it. But it’s not just the ways I spend my time that I see myself as changed when becoming a parent.
Yes, now I spend more time wiping paint off the art table, crumbs out of every-FOR-THE-LOVE-nook (Only when I know people are on their way over, though–true story) but when I am really honest, I can tell you that becoming a parent has changed me, my true self. And I believe I have changed for the better. It took some bending and breaking, but I have learned that this is my better self. I often refer to my youngest as ‘One of My Greatest Life Teachers,’ which is just a kind way of saying he was so very difficult (moms are good at that positive crap, because they are just so cute, right?). Andrew and I are of the belief that life is better lived backwards, less is more, second is best, honoring another is more favorable, repaying good for evil is freeing, loving the unlovable–yet, belief, and putting that belief into daily action, well, those are two separate things, let me tell you. It’s our children who mobilized our beliefs, into daily, heart-changed action. While I wait for my children to rise up and call me blessed, in the meantime, they have taught me to love. Before I had children, I was certain love was an emotion, felt in reciprocation between me and a hot redhead. It was my children who taught me that love is not an emotion. It was becoming a parent that taught me to love in the face of rejection, tantrums, poor behavior, and to desire them and love them so, like no other human being not just despite, but in addition to– just can’t get enough of them. It was them that allowed me to transcend reactionary responses, to live as a stronger, more peaceful, contemplative person–because of love. It was my love for my children that held a mirror up to myself, because this mattered. When their round glassy eyes looked up into mine, and I was mama, I saw my true self, and the parts I didn’t want in their mama; I saw someone who focused too much on busyness, honestly, to feel a false sense of worth. It was my kids who showed areas in my heart of little patience, needed kindness and lacked nurturing. It was them, their presence, that cause me to want to make it right. My love for them, especially my youngest, bent and broke me, and now I know that is a holy place to be, a place of magic. When I say they are my greatest teachers, I can say it with humble gratitude. With joy and thankfulness. Parenting changed me, it will continue to do so, but as I bend and reform, I know and see and feel it is into a better shape.
So there’s my story of my sweet, tiny, best life teachers, and now I want to know: how have your kids changed you, honestly? We are giving away a $100 Visa gift card to one person who shares here in the comments below, on behalf the movie Delivery Man, the story of a man named David who finds his true self while finding his long lost children. The movie is heartwarming and hilarious. Bring home this ‘Special Delivery’ on Blu-ray DVD and Digital HD 3/25/2014. “Hilarious and Heartfelt,” –Peter Rallis, Rallis Review.
If you love Vince Vaughn, you can watch it 533 times. To order now click here, or visit the movie on Facebook here.
Sweepstakes Rules: No duplicate comments. You may receive (2) total entries by selecting from the following entry methods: Leave a comment in response to the sweepstakes prompt on this post Tweet (public message) about this promotion; including exactly the following unique term in your tweet message: “#SweepstakesEntry”; and leave the URL to that tweet in a comment on this post Blog about this promotion, including a disclosure that you are receiving a sweepstakes entry in exchange for writing the blog post, and leave the URL to that post in a comment on this post For those with no Twitter or blog, read the official rules to learn about an alternate form of entry. This giveaway is open to US Residents age 18 or older. Winner will be selected via random draw, and will be notified by e-mail. You have 72 hours to get back to me, otherwise a new winner will be selected. The Official Rules are available here. This sweepstakes runs from 3/20/14 – 4/17/14. Be sure to visit the Delivery Man page on BlogHer.com where you can read other bloggers’ reviews and find more chances to win!
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Wow! This is a tough question. I relate with so much of what you wrote. And seriously LOL’d at the positive crap statement. Amen!
My foster and foster adopt kids changed me. Redefined what I thought I knew about unconditional love. Force(d) and force me to look inward at my temperament and my frustrations and set a better example for my kids to follow. My quest to gain skills that will help my family grow and heal and mature has brought me to find a community of bloggers and moms, bio/foster/adopt, that inspire me to dust myself off when I want to throw the towel in and instead find a new perspective. My kids have taught me to be flexible. When a behavior modification does not work, search for the root. Take nothing at face value. They have opened my heart’s eye to the hurt and good around me. It has shed light on some beautiful things that the old me would have glossed right over. They have taught me the importance of celebrating love, celebrating you, me, them, us. And perseverance. In good humor I joke that parenting is a marathon. I stand corrected. It’s an Ironman 😉
YES!!!! Yes x 1000! Beautiful, true words, thank you.
My kids have changed me by letting me know what it’s like to not wear makeup any more lol
My life
https://twitter.com/618mom23boys/status/446701682773065728
My kids have changed me… Are changing me. Deeply. I see Jesus through the more than any other area of my life.
It’s my middle baby (previous oldest) that has been my teacher 🙂 We joke we might have been one and done if she wasn’t a twin!
Haha, that made me lol
I have learned more from Rachel in the last couple of years about love, grace, patience, how God sees us, and the simple pureness of a child’s heart. It’s like God is working thru her to teach me daily, moment by moment of how He wants me to be in every way possible. It’s beautiful, challenging, convicting, and it’s stretching me.
I have learned the real value of family. It doesn’t matter what we do as long as we have each other to do it with! Doesn’t matter how much money we have or the house we live in but that we have each other to get through it all. The hugs and kisses my boys give me every day make the rest of the world and the craziness fade away!!
Motherhood has taught me to lighten up more and give it all to God. Also, to enjoy each stage of our little ones life because they grow so fast!!
We do not have any biological children, but we have fostered a handful of children the past couple of months. Life goes from 0 to 100 when you receive the placement calls and take in a new child. Despite what you may have planned that day, week or month everything gets dropped for those babies, and your life instantly changes with a matter of a few hours. You have to have complete trust & faith that God has control over the situation. Foster care is hard, yet so rewarding! Its a complete act of selflessness & love for the babies & children that come into our home. They may only be with us for a season, but are in our hearts forever!
having kids made me more patient
https://twitter.com/ElenaIstomina/status/446746865380233216
Having children has made me appreciate the small moments. Before I had kids, I seemed to be in a rush all the time and anxious to move onto the next thing. Now I wish I could freeze time.
tweet–https://twitter.com/mami2jcn/status/446761997745795072
Gosh, this is a hard question because there is so much to say! I reallllly appreciate what you wrote and can relate to all of it!
God has used my kiddos to help me slow down (to put down the phone, the computer, the broom, to get rid of the excess stuff in our lives so there is less to clean and more time for my cuties), to focus on their hearts, our relationship, rather than being task-oriented. He’s teaching me patience, tenderness, gentleness, and compassion. We brought home two kiddos with special needs from Ukraine four months ago (You guys were the first to give to our FSP! Thank you!!! :)), and they have made SO much progress, but I can still find myself wanting faster progress. And my kids keep teaching me to be patient and to focus on the most important step of nurturing our bond with each other. The skills will come in time. They will know how to play with toys one day. They’ll have better fine motor skills and gross motor skills one day. But today is not that day. The baby steps we have to take have pushed me to celebrate every little thing.
My kids have opened my eyes to the broader world and taught me that I want to give my life away (similar to you :)). They have opened my eyes to the plight of orphans around the world, and changed my life course. I want to adopt more kids with special needs. We find ourselves supporting more adoptions than ever, praying for orphans and their families more than ever, crying over orphans and their loss more than ever. Our focus is so much more on the “least of these.” A few years ago, I would have never even considered bringing home children with special needs, and now I don’t mind that my children may need my care for the rest of their lives. What else is my life for if not to give away? To lose in order to find it?
They have also taught me to be brave. (They are such brave little ones.) To step out and do the uncomfortable. To be their advocate, even when it’s scary and means disappointing others. To work for and hope and pray for miracles, even when the doctors and “professionals” say something different.
Yes! I loved reading this and I feel everything you are saying! Even though adoption is hard, it is such a gift because it centers you, right?
Do you guys have a blog? I would so love to see your kids!
xoxo,
Amy
I feel that more than anything having Icarus has taught me how hard the phrase “giving everything over to God” really is in practice. Giving all of myself is hard but daily giving over the life of my precious little one is more difficult than anything I could have imagined. Being a mom has amplified so many things about me: my love, my joy, my grace but also my hurt, my fear, my guilt. It has blessed me with this whole new identity that I could have never really imagined before having a child. My love for Icarus is fierce and sometimes borderline obsessive and it is a daily challenge to remember that he does not truly belong to me but to our Savior.
Having a child (and some on the way!) has taught me that I can be happiest when my life isn’t all about me. My priorities have changed, and I relate more to a family lifestyle. I realize what unconditional love is- I would love my children with all my heart even if they could never show me that love in return. And some of them may not. But in the same way, I realize that as an adopted child of God, I could never come close to giving Him the love and mercy that he showers me with daily. And yet He loves me and accepts me anyway.
Having kids does change you for the better you remember what it was like to be a kid to believe in santa again.
Having my son has made me enjoy the small things in life more. He gets joy out of the littlest things!
My son taught me selflessness. I hated being a mother for the first few months, which is painful to admit. I think it was largely in part to my misunderstanding of what it is to be a parent. I thought this tiny human would magically fit into our family and norms. But it wasn’t like that at all. He completely changed my concept of fulfillment, contentment, excitement and love. Once he broke me of my expectations, my heart filled with joy and love that shows no boundaries. He teaches me patience and kindness everyday. I am truly a better person for it.
My babies have changed me in a million different ways. I immediately learned a love I have never experienced before. Unconditional, fierce. Priorities changed. They come first, always. I get to be a kid along side them one minute, jumping on a trampoline or dressing up to go trick or treating, and the next minute must guide, teach, discipline. So many roles I play all in one day. I get the honor of watching them grow, change, evolve into people… people who might make big or small differences to others. I cherish my time with them and hope they can feel every moment how much I love them. They have changed everything about me and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
My daughter has made me feel true deep love. Become more patient and responsible, but also see beauty again in small things.
My life is so much better since becoming a mother eighteen years ago. There are so many joys in rediscovering your childhood, overcoming your fears to enable your child to have what is best for them, building a family, and watching your child grow into a responsible young adult. A child alos really gives you eyes into what others are like and opens the door to having relationships with so many people.
Kids grow up so fast, they really teach you to appreciate the moment. I have learned to take mental “photographs” and cherish the details of their lives. I am more patient and caring since having children.
Tweet
https://twitter.com/clc408/status/447109014581567489
My niece and nephew have taught me to appreciate the people in my life and recognize the importance of relationships. They also have taught me to make a conscious effort to be happy and pleasure the little things in life. They have taught me not to take life too seriously and don’t sweat the small stuff.
Having kids as taught me to be more responsible and patient. Thanks so much.
I tweeted: https://twitter.com/peg42/status/447126499842224129
Thanks again.
Only afterward my cildren were grown do I believe I am a good mother
Made me be more patient.
austma7@aol.com
I don’t have a kid, but I have a dog who is my “kid”. 🙂 She’s taught me to be happier, in general. I love how dogs are always happy!
My kids teach me how blesses I truly am.
My kids have taught me better critical thinking as well as making me better at compromising 🙂 I need both in order to watch out for my kids best interests, as well as balancing freedom with good choices 🙂
Tweeted 🙂 – https://twitter.com/Enter_Now/status/447306735745630208
https://twitter.com/OneFrugalGirl/status/447370255737032704
That your heart can fill with more love than you could ever imagine.
onefrugalgirl AT gmail DOT com
My daughter has taught me how to love others and to take things simple.
They have shown me how beautiful it is to be selfless.
chambanachik(at)gmail(dot)com
When I had kids, I learned what unconditional love is. I learned that even 30 years later, you still worry. And I learned the best thing about having kids is GRANDkids!
my kids have changed me for the better because i try to be a good example and role model for them, so i am more aware of doing the right things at the right times.
Having kids has encouraged me to try new things.
Having children has made me less selfish, have more patience, be more loving and more responsible.
https://twitter.com/susan1215/status/447484301764861954
They have given me patience, understanding, and the ability to unconditional love.
Love this post. Love you!
My kiddos have taught me so much- one of the most obvious being that they are the ones who showed me my true passion and calling in God’s global community via maternal health and care. They helped me see how true it is that God’s grace and patience with me is so overwhelmingly constant. I can only imagine how many times I’ve looked exactly like a toddler in God’s eyes!!
Its made me more responsible and concerned about the future of the country.
lazybones344 at gmail dot com
more patience and look at things through children’s eyes – simple joys
tvollowitz at aol dot com
They have taught me to have lots of patience and given me new perspective on life.
https://twitter.com/ardy22/status/447594202960904193
My children taught me selflessness and unconditional love. 🙂
Having children has taught me patience, which was a big problem for me. You cannot be impatient with children at all, and with my new-found patience, it has made other areas of my life better, especially relationships with others. I find the care of children rewarding and watching them grow and change is wonderful.
https://twitter.com/LuLu_Brown24/status/447713103904378880
I can see the happiness, wonder and beauty in the world through my daughter’s eyes. It is amazing the little things you appreciate with a child in your life.
Yes, they’ve given me a newfound appreciation for life.
I was pretty depressed until I met my husband and then had my children. I am so happy with them.
I don’t have my own kids but the kids at my job remind me that people are resilient in the face of life.
I’m so much more patient, and less judgemental of others!
https://twitter.com/channynn/status/448098369919918080
We tried for a year to have a baby, and then finally found out we were having twins. They have changed our lives for the better. My husband and I have gotten closer to God because of the things we went through trying to get pregnant and my son being in the Nicu (5 weeks early).
We do not drink anymore, we are more patient, we both appreciate the little things in life more, and we just dedicate our lives and time to our kids. They are such a blessing and truly are the GREATEST gift!!
Thank you!!
faithrains2387 (At) Yahoo.com
Tweet:
https://twitter.com/heavensangel238/status/448288835441401857
Thank you!
They have taught me that everything in life does not have to be perfect all the time.
They taught me the meaning of unconditional love.
tcarolinep at gmail dot com
-https://twitter.com/tcarolinep/status/448658671715614720
My kiddos have taught me to not take myself or life too seriously 🙂
Tweet!
https://twitter.com/ScoomerBlog/status/448681755067707392
Having my daughter made me a more patient person. I was always pretty patient, but with her I learned to make sure I slowed down and enjoy every moment and wait for things, most everything is worth the wait
I tweeted https://twitter.com/2BeFitBy50/status/449210187317248000
I learned that love is unending and unconditional.
Beside keeping me active, I became a responsible person.
https://twitter.com/smilekisses/status/449444711023919104
That worrying accomplishes nothing…prayer does so much more!
my son has changed me into someone who can love with a love i didn’t think i had!
She taught me patience and unconditional love.
My kids taught me patience.
https://twitter.com/raggammuffin/status/450233574034509825
Having the kids helped to learn to trust my own judgment and to be a better listener.
thank you
Tweet https://twitter.com/JalapenoMama/status/450333587036835840
I learned that even if everything isn’t perfect – hey its ok!
i posted a tweet:
https://twitter.com/bellows22/status/450390056474128384
i’m able to relate to others better
Having children changed me in so many ways, I definitely became less selfish but more importantly I realized I had to take better care of myself because I was responsible for more than just my happiness in life.
Tweeted
https://twitter.com/mummytotwoboys1/status/451075502808109058
they made me a better person ,stronger and more patience
https://twitter.com/HappyTina0115/status/451176490776813569
having children has really taught me to love. Its also taught me the true meaning of life.
tweet
https://twitter.com/MeandBells/status/451424972276121600
They have changed me for the better in every way. I think about others more often. I am no longer selfish. I am constantly trying to make them smile and be happy
tweet
https://twitter.com/1amypugmire/status/451492199528542208
my daughter taught me the importance of becoming a good role model
My kids have taught me great time management skills!
coriwestphal at msn dot com
Tweet: https://twitter.com/coriwestphal/status/452985348822274048
coriwestphal at msn dot com
I’ve learned a lot about patience and the power of laughter.
I only have a furbaby, I was unfortunate and couldn’t carry. But, she is our joy and she brings so much love and happiness to our life.
https://twitter.com/myfolly/status/453406360990797824
My kids have taught me selflessness and a deeper love than I’ve ever known!
tweeted: https://twitter.com/KerryBishop/status/453686941813207040
Kids add so much more meaning to life and help you to grow up
https://twitter.com/kj20082006/status/453758418151419904
My kids have brought out my playful/creative side!
Addictedtorodeo at gmail dot com
They’ve made me a more giving person.
to put others needs first
He’s helped me step outside my own perspective.
My daughter has helped me live in the now and see the world through a child’s eyes and laugh more…honestly
They have showed me how to pause and enjoy the little things in life!
My tweet https://twitter.com/mistymarie34/status/454800182165508096
I have changed for the better by putting others before myself and having more patient. Thanks for the giveaway
Because I had my daughter at such a young age, I had to grow up quite quickly and become responsible adult and parent.
I have 2 sons, 4 and 6. They have taught me to be more patient. My older son is a bit reactive to situations so I have to remember to be calm. 🙂
seyma_bennett@hotmail.com
they’re helping me be less selfish and more patient pryfamily5@gmail.com
i tweeted https://twitter.com/DaPryz/status/455709180276404224 pryfamily5@gmail.com
Made me realize it’s okay not to control everything.
My kids have made me to constantly strive to be the best mom I can…I quit smoking 5 years ago for them…I’m always trying to set a positive example for them. I was an adventure seeker before them…now I’m much more cautious about EVERYTHING!
tweeted https://twitter.com/pittsy82/status/456165057739489280
I tend to be a spur of the moment person but having kids changed that for good. You have to plan things out, you have to bring this, that and the other thing. When a kid has to pee, they mean Now not ten minutes from now.
https://twitter.com/ddx155/status/456193045135130625
don’t have kids but my niece is always fun
My children taught me unconditional love. I totally learned to enjoy every moment!
https://mobile.twitter.com/Shiebs24/status/456268591285809152
My kids made me realize what and who are important to have in my life and to appreciate every moment.
They’ve taught me joy
MY KIDS ARE MY SUNSHINE AND THEY TAUGHT ME TO SMILE EVERY DAY AND PRAY MORE 🙂
https://twitter.com/SkyShyskyk/status/456613075089518595
My kids have taught me to appreciate the little things and patience.
They have taught me unconditional love, patience and joy
tbarrettno1 at gmail dot com
tweet https://twitter.com/ChelleB36/status/456653337702572032
tbarrettno1 at gmail dot com
My kids taught me patience and letting go to have fun.
They have taught me to be more patient.
https://twitter.com/aes529/status/456786821369040896
my kids have changed my life for the better by showing me how to enjoy the little things in life. life is too short to be mad, just smile and have a good time.
susansmoaks at gmail dot com
I don’t have any children of my own, but I have learned a lot from my nephew. I have learned responsibility, patience, and understanding from my nephew.
My kids have made my alot more responsible and caring.
https://twitter.com/thomasmurphy40/status/456844711789993984
I am much more aware of the effect I have – on my family and the world around me.
https://twitter.com/dddiva/status/456845099607920640
they’ve taught me to appreciate what other mothers are going through everyday
Having children has made me appreciate the small moments.
My son gives me a reason to want more out of life, and to always strive for better.
http://twitter.com/ccboobooy/status/456893914558234624
My kids taught me love, patience and responsibility