“Maria, it’s ok,” I told her.
“Mama, I don’t know, Mama, I don’t know, I can’t…” she couldn’t even look at the paper in front of her, she was fidgeting, nervously moving.
I had never seen her like this, she couldn’t hear me over her whimpering, distressed, she couldn’t hear my words. “Maria,” I said calmly, “it’s ok, I will help you,” one digit addition problems on the paper in front of her, but she couldn’t hear me.
“I don’t know, I don’t know…” on the verge of tears, she wasn’t present. She was somewhere else, somewhere sad…
Which is when I remembered the words that were spoken to me a couple months ago. In a tiny room, wedged in the corner of a crumbling building, filled to the brim with big children, who were really babies in our eyes.
“Who is it?” asked the woman absently in the white coat, sitting behind her desk, Andrew and I brought in to sit on a couch in the corner.
“Maria,” we responded.
“Let me see,” she said without looking at us, she chose one of the hundred of files, we heard the children outside the door.
“Ok, let’s see, she has flat feet, so no running sports or anything, maybe perhaps, swimming?”
We nodded, unsmiling, wanting her to wrap up this charade.
She listed a few other things, “Oh, and poor at math. Yes, very low math, but you know how these kids are…”
No, we didn’t.
She looked at me shyly, eyes gauging mine, with a, “me? I am?’ expression on her face.
“It’s ok mama, I can do the rest,” and she did, no problem, maybe ten minutes later.
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We even found a new toy basket for $4 |

The truth is, there are no guarantees, except that God will give you the grace you need to parent the children he has planned for you. Our kids are not perfect, but never before have we had the same personal growth, the same joy and life satisfaction. Yes, there is fear involved, unknowns, but it’s all worth it. We were almost certain she’d say no when she met us, at which point we’d make other plans, but she didn’t and things were great, well, that’s an understatement. God’s gifts are true gifts.
It’s one step at a time in adoption, pushing past fear into the glorious plans God has just for you and your family, and the little one you will take out of darkness into beautiful light of family.
Its worth every single step.
“I don’t always knew where this life is going. I can’t see the end of the road, but here is the great part: Courage is not about knowing the path. It is about taking the first step. It is about Peter getting out of the boat, stepping out onto the water with complete faith that Jesus will not let him drown.”
― Katie J. Davis

Love, love, love — as always!
And your words at the end are so eloquent. In a weird way, you could remove a few that are specifically adoption related, and they could apply to so many things and still be as relevant and powerful (obviously I get why would wouldn’t want to…but I’ll have to explain why that especially struck me…so remind me!) God’s really gifted you with a way with words!
Looking forward to next week! 🙂
What a beautiful story! Happy Valentine’s to your precious family! You are so very blessed!
Wonderful post to celebrate the love in your family!
And the kids are growing! I can’t believe how healthy Elijah is looking! What a blessing!
i hope your family had a happy valentine’s day! that basket is awesome. an $4.00?! love a good deal. what a sweetpea maria is. math is not my strong suit, and i remember being in tears over it- both in elementary and college. lol. i’m glad she was able to overcome her frustration. i love seeing kids swell with pride at their accomplishments, it’s why i’ve always known i wanted to be a teacher. with a patient and loving momma, maria has nothing but opportunity to thrive. i bet she’s a mathlete by next year 🙂
You are a beautiful momma to beautiful children!!!
So very sweet!
I just can’t get over how HANDSOME your little boys are. 🙂 Hope you guys are doing well!!
Happy Valentine’s Day to you and your family! Thank you for your gift of sharing your family with me through your blog! So much love! I work at an elementary school and tutor math and reading. I wish every child had parents that loved them and wanted to help them as much as you do! Always brings tears to my eyes when I read your blog! True tears of joy! Thank you!