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In two weeks, a picture will come to life before our very eyes. We stand now, looking ahead at our journey, out over the vast stretch of time, land and water, yet to experience His promises, yet to experience his fulfillment, with the looming threats: Overwhelming.  Hard.  But the promise of joy wedged in between the difficult.  The temptation to dwell on the hows and the what if’s instead of the truth printed on flimsy paper between my fingers.

Today we got the formal medical on Maya.

Things are so real with that.

My poor, little girl.

Sweet children who are at the mercy of their birth mama’s whims, often so very lost themselves.

We leave in less than 2 weeks, meaning get the big suitcases down?

Leaving Finley at home without us for a week will quite literally hurt my heart–we’re kinda besties.

Finley was so sad and asked me to come in his crib with him, so I thought, why not?   Sweet memories

But this life isn’t about me or my heart.  And as much as I often want to make it, it’s not about Finley.

But it’s about God and His heart.  Who is God and what is his heart?

(I always skip over the bible verses in people’s blogs, but just read these, esp. the last one, k??)

Isaiah 1:17
Learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow.
Psalm 68:5-6
A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.
John 14:18
I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.
Matthew 25: 35-40
 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’  “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’
 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’


God has pressed onto our hearts since we were pregnant that we weren’t to make our son our little god.  To put him above all else–above serving the Lord, above serving others.  But boy, it’s so easy to do.  Andrew and I can’t help ourselves to dote all our time on our little guy, we love it, and it’s not bad or wrong.  It would be wrong if we put his happiness above serving God.  To blow off children and people in need because it might interrupt our son’s little lifey.

I can recall a few times that we wanted to bail on God and helping people, but when we persevered, God met us there, and it was good.  That’s literally the only word I can come up with.  Ok, maybe very good. 

Here was one: We wanted to just stay home and obsess over our baby.   Little reminders.

So we will go without him.  What will he learn in the process while mom and dad are off ‘serving God’ when he would much rather us be at home that week?  Maybe some patience, or sacrifice.  And since when are those bad things for kids to learn?  Oh my, I know most kids whine and cry over the littlest sacrifices–a change of the channel, an un-asked for food, a change in plans, but it’s something to be instilled, and it’s often harder for parents than for the kids, so it’s avoided.

And the sooner our son learns that this life is not about him, the better off he will be–and the other people in his life.  

Will Finley be sad for a week without us?  But will he live?  What about our daughter?  How long has she been away from mama and papa?  My son will be in good hands to attend to each and every need.  Can I say the same for my other, and all the others who go without day after day.  The ones picking the paint off the walls by the cribs they aren’t taken out of?

I don’t want to be some overzeaolous person talking and talking about poor, orphaned children, but I just wish everyone could see even just a fraction of some of what I have seen, even though it has barely scratched the surface of what’s even out there.  I am often at risk of being numbed to the real world while being in this country, by living this life.  By thinking my first world problems are real problems when they are not.

In less than two weeks our lives will change.  I can barely fathom it.  

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  • Chelsea May 31, 2012, 4:24 pm

    Wow. I’m so very excited for your whole family as you get closer to meeting your princess! I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to leave Finley at home. I’m saying prayers for Finley, for you and Andrew as you travel, and for Maya’s heart to be prepared for her family to meet her. Will you be blogging from Maya’s country?

    • The Tiny Team June 1, 2012, 7:59 pm

      Thank you! Yeah, I’ll probably blog, why not right? 🙂 And thank you for your prayers!

  • Joanna May 31, 2012, 7:49 pm

    Best post ever! Love it!

  • Kate June 1, 2012, 5:02 am

    We will pray for Finley – and we will pray for quick and safe travels – and also for an open, prepared, and soft heart from your Maya. Life has been so unfair to her for so long, God bless you guys for listening to His prompting – you have plenty of socially acceptable reasons to put off an adoption – but I am SO excited to watch your family grow this way! We were so nervous before our first trip – but it is SO worth it!

  • Elle Bee June 9, 2012, 8:33 pm

    This post is so me! Gosh, I loved our three bio kids so much I started realizing I had made them into idols! Leaving them to go to Russia THREE times–I seriously almost perished. But I knew God was leading us to understand His heart more, to see the world’s children how He does. And now He’s teaching me how to love, with reckless abandon, this precious, amazing Russian creature with the deepest brown eyes. :o) Anyway, love this post.

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