Waiting brings highs and lows, yet God, in a very intimate and tangible way has brought comfort and patience, not in the fake smiling way, but in the way that the Holy Spirit mixes in your heart to produce something that was never there prior, nothing attainable on our own. His word, His presence set us free.
And so, after coming a ways, we are good, we rejoice, but literally, seriously.
First salads from the garden, just before spring. Elijah thinks he’s pretty fly.
Last month we had something cancelled on a Friday, and I felt a shoot of freedom and said, “Let’s invite over 50 of your closest friends for a Valentines party!” and the boys cheered and clapped. But then I thought–wait, am I supposed to feed all these people?! Or like, entertain them? Maybe parties 3 days in advance are more fun as a thought in my mind….
But, all we ended up was buying a couple boxes of pink cake mix, and some dollar tree doilies that we taped up at random and asked everyone to bring something to share, voila! Party city central. I was even able to convince Andrew to plant a couple trees, “You know, for the party….”
DIY cupcaking getting real right now. Notice only one child able to rip their eyes away from their precious to smile-ish for the camera.
We had the best time, I’m glad I made the rash decision, the whole purpose is being together. Everyone brought something to share, more food than we could eat–and delish might I add, put my boxed pink cupcakes to shame, as us mamas sat around talking and eating under the trees while the kids ran through the grass, their cheeks becoming rosy in the warm day, creating their own games. It’s interesting how many uninterrupted conversations we can all have when the kids are exploring together outdoors.
The other night, Andrew had made some quesadillas and I was rushing out to go to yoga with a friend while I tried to grab a quesadilla, a split decision ignoring my stomach.
“Don’t do it! Dairy is no bueno!” he told me, he’s really the only one who can do dairy in our family.
Me, pretending, “How come I never get anything I want,” as we looked into each others eyes, we were play flirting, he laughed.
“Oh babe, I’m just trying to help you…” when we heard Finley sniffling.
He wouldn’t look at Andrew.
“Dada…” he stammered staring at the space between his feet, emotion bulging at his eyes, “just give it to her…” he said meekly as he drew in his breath and, finally looked at papa, “Dada, just give it to her! She’s my mama!” he was standing up for me.
I think Andrew and my hearts were equal parts giddy, holding back laughs, and heartbroken to see him so sad for any reason, we looked at each other, our sweetness that is our boy.
“Oh honey, don’t worry, I don’t really want one, I was just kidding with daddy, he was just kidding, too,” as I hugged him, his head bent down, tears dripping off his cheeks. He thought I truly was upset, our sensitive one, the one with a heart for what’s right and for helping others.
Those are the moments I just want to bottle them up, keep their tender hearts preserved from the world. But maybe this world needs more tender hearts circling the globe.
The other day I was selling cloth diapers online, and a woman and her two daughters came over, her name was Sasha. I could tell she was Russian after a bit, and asked her about it. She was from St. Petersberg, she and her husband were missionaries there. She was one of the most calming people we’ve ever been around, and she stayed for a while, her daughters and ours playing with the boys out back for a long time. We saw her later that week, like an old friend. Missionaries always surprise me, I think they will be one way, but they are all so unique and inviting, calming. She saw our bible commentary and mentioned how she translated that one to Russian back in the day and has her daughter, age 11, use it. So I was inspired to have Maria try it for her BSF homework and she LOVES it! I guess it took a Russian missionary to show us how to use our own tools in our own house, sent from craigslist.
“Mama! Did you know Sihon was a king!?”
You never know what some wise Russians will teach you.
Speaking of BSF, who would have thought the life of Moses; reading Exodus and Numbers for a year would create opportunities for some of the sweetest conversations you could ask for. BSF makes me be in the word, and even if it’s just for like 15 minutes
a day a week, I feel God’s presence doing stuff in my heart, ripping our weeds, pruning the good stuff, I’m like, ‘pardon, what’s happening in there?’ It kicked my butt in an area of ‘complaining,’ which I had told myself was ‘fixing with explaining,’ cause I’m such a total helper… I was so convicted, poor Miriam. I told Andrew I was sorry out of the blue, I mean really, I was remorseful, dang book of numbers, and that I will make it more of my goal to show just love, and not be such a fake ‘fixer.’ Only God can convicts me so well, man. Pretty sure I would have thought I was the sweetest lovebug without him helping me out. But what a gift, that I could be somewhere learning what I need, instead of blindly doing what I feel best, but only reaching dead ends. Oy vey. If I’m going to live one life, might as well make the most of it.
The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life.
I will advise you and watch over you.
This weekend Andrew pulled out the pancake mix, and slipped chunks of hard coconut oil down the hot griddle; blueberry for Elijah, plain for Finley, Maria likes them both. He’s that nice kind of parent who will make specialties for specific children. I cut up strawberries and put out hard boiled eggs that the boys peeled themselves, bit by bit.
//Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn’t love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that. // ep. 5.2
Give, giving. Learning to give up things these days that were nasty heart weeds. Humbling and freeing, and so much better.
Hold on our baby far away, we will meet you one day, we long to hold you in our arms, but until then, we are asking God care for each of your needs. You are loved more than you know, by more people than you could count.
We are so excited to meet you and honored that you will be ours. We will love you like crazy everyday of your life…