Moscow and the first days of healing

 We are having the absolute time of our lives, in the most beautiful city we have ever been to.

Maria dancing with Papa

Piled in blessings on our way to the capitol

Andrew’s amazing parents gave us their Marriott points to use for our three days here, and our only word is wow.

The lobby

 We are spoiled by the room, they gave us a free upgrade, and each morning we have a buffet breakfast (I couldn’t make this up if I tried!)  It’s funny to see our two babies in the lap of luxury, it’s funny to see ourselves here, but for them, it’s like rags to riches.

The first morning, we headed down to the all you can eat breakfast buffet with classical music, and more food than you could imagine. I made Elijah a concoction of oatmeal, yogurt, kefir, carrot juice, a little butter and floated a piece of salmon in it for the oils.  I kept feeding him throughout the meal, kept offering him more in small doses.

$1 garage sale moccasins 🙂

Annoying the other patrons with loud giggling, just out style

Elijah spends a good amount of his days being kissed.  I mean, it’s almost awkward, I do it even while talking to people, but too bad for them.

Maria is– a gift. She is a breath of fresh air.  She is light and love, and moment by moment fills our hearts with joy.  When I reach to put on my jacket, she quickly grabs it to put it on for me.  When we walk outside, she hold our hands, holds our arms, and smiles up at us as she skips down the street.  We adopted her to give her everything.  We asked nothing of her, and she showers us with love.  She has gone in 3 days, from being ‘one in a crowd’ to understanding ‘family’ better.  She would walk with us, and sometimes start to follow the crowd, before we grabbed her hand, “Families stick together,” we’d tell her.  And in three days, she knows.  Each moment she reaches out for affection, we take her into our arms and show her love right back.  Although she still has a road to walk towards healing, we feel honored that we are the ones who get to walk it with her.  God could have chosen anybody, but he chose us, and I’ll never be able to understand that kind of goodness.

Has grown the most, and has the most to grow.  It makes my insides burn to remember that after picking him up from the orphanage, he didn’t have a dirty or wet diaper for 12 hours.  He is now much more healthy.  Instead of a few big meals, we offer him small doses of food and formula and pediasure throughout the day: first to help his small stomach and body grow gradually, and also for him to know he is safe, and that mama and papa mean food, which to him means security.  He is constantly making more eye contact with us, like, “Me?  Really?”

In three days time, he has gone from taking care of himself, to searching for his mama, needing mama, and only being able to fall asleep with mama.  This boy is so in love, and so loved. He is our precious 17 month old ‘newborn,’ smaller than pictures can relay.

This moby wrap is the best thing to happen for this sweet babe.

 Although he is growing and learning, he has lived his whole life in survival mode, not enough food, not enough anything.  And when he feels hungry, he doesn’t just cry, he screams out of pure fear that his little body won’t make it–it is sad and hard to see.  We hold him, and comfort him, but although he’s learning, he doesn’t know yet that he will never be that kind of hungry again, that he is no longer on his own, that he doesn’t need to fend for himself.

And when I see my son, yelling in fear, I see myself.  So overwhelmed by my needs, by my fears at times that I can’t even see the father that is in my presence, even as I fret.  Just as we wait and long for Elijah to come to us for his every need, his fear prevented him.  Elijah would fight it at times as we tried to feed him and hold him on that very first day, and it was only out of exhaustion that he would try trusting.  But, in those first moments of trust, he began to like it. Although he has a road of healing ahead of him, he has made such great strides, and we are here for him.  I ask God often to show me how best to parent our wounded little birdy, and God has been so very good and faithful.