Today we got the formal medical on Maya.
Things are so real with that.
My poor, little girl.
Sweet children who are at the mercy of their birth mama’s whims, often so very lost themselves.
We leave in less than 2 weeks, meaning get the big suitcases down?
Leaving Finley at home without us for a week will quite literally hurt my heart–we’re kinda besties.
|Finley was so sad and asked me to come in his crib with him, so I thought, why not?||Sweet memories|
But this life isn’t about me or my heart. And as much as I often want to make it, it’s not about Finley.
But it’s about God and His heart. Who is God and what is his heart?
(I always skip over the bible verses in people’s blogs, but just read these, esp. the last one, k??)
Learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow.
A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.
I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.
God has pressed onto our hearts since we were pregnant that we weren’t to make our son our little god. To put him above all else–above serving the Lord, above serving others. But boy, it’s so easy to do. Andrew and I can’t help ourselves to dote all our time on our little guy, we love it, and it’s not bad or wrong. It would be wrong if we put his happiness above serving God. To blow off children and people in need because it might interrupt our son’s little lifey.
I can recall a few times that we wanted to bail on God and helping people, but when we persevered, God met us there, and it was good. That’s literally the only word I can come up with. Ok, maybe very good.
Here was one: We wanted to just stay home and obsess over our baby. Little reminders.
So we will go without him. What will he learn in the process while mom and dad are off ‘serving God’ when he would much rather us be at home that week? Maybe some patience, or sacrifice. And since when are those bad things for kids to learn? Oh my, I know most kids whine and cry over the littlest sacrifices–a change of the channel, an un-asked for food, a change in plans, but it’s something to be instilled, and it’s often harder for parents than for the kids, so it’s avoided.
And the sooner our son learns that this life is not about him, the better off he will be–and the other people in his life.
Will Finley be sad for a week without us? But will he live? What about our daughter? How long has she been away from mama and papa? My son will be in good hands to attend to each and every need. Can I say the same for my other, and all the others who go without day after day. The ones picking the paint off the walls by the cribs they aren’t taken out of?
I don’t want to be some overzeaolous person talking and talking about poor, orphaned children, but I just wish everyone could see even just a fraction of some of what I have seen, even though it has barely scratched the surface of what’s even out there. I am often at risk of being numbed to the real world while being in this country, by living this life. By thinking my first world problems are real problems when they are not.
In less than two weeks our lives will change. I can barely fathom it.