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When a Father is Ripped from His Family

Her name is Maria, she works at a small school with a chain link fence, filled with children of all backgrounds.  But the ones with the most needs, the ones that no one can work with, they send to her.  And they love her.  And they feel safe, and they learn.  But with her gifts, she is humble.

“Why do you think they love you so much?”

She smiles and shrugs, “I don’t know why they like me, but I love them.  Autistic kids especially, they are so special.  God is blessing their families.  I just love them.”

Maria’s youngest son, Antonio, goes to the school, too.  He is seven, happy and confident.  He loves Magic Tree House books, baseball and soccer.

Even though Maria works at the school Antonio attends, it’s her husband, his dad who picks him up from school.  Even as the family provider who works long hours, his family, his two children, are his priority.  Maria could have easily taken him home, but it was his joy to pick them up, to greet them after school himself and bring them home.

At their house, the oldest daughter Marisol hid behind her shy smile, “You remind me of my daughter,” I tell her, smiling.  She doesn’t share much, until she brings out her photo album and lays it silently on the couch in front of me.  It’s her quincenera.  On each page that I turn is her family.  Her smiling brother, his charm transcending through the pictures.  Her proud grandparents, her mom with her arms wrapped all the way around.  Her father in almost each picture.  I turn the page and there he is, with Marisol in his arms, the father daughter dance.  His arms are out in front of him making a big circle that she is walking into.  His not looking at anyone, but overcome, looking into his daughter’s face.    His eyes are humble, but he also looks overwhelmed by his love for her, his daughter who in that moment doesn’t look shy, but her face is raised, gazing back at him, alive and happy in her father’s arms.

“Marisol has taken it the hardest,” Maria tells me.  “She was the closest to her dad, it’s the hardest for her,”  I don’t mean to, but my eyes shoot to her, she is looking down, trying not to remember. Looking away from the photo of her dad with his arms around her, looking away from to peace and love she feels in that moment.  It’s then that I think about Andrew.  What would we do?  How would my kids cope?  How would I?  What would I literally do?

Two months ago, Carlos was getting ready for work.  They just have one car and live in a low income apartment.  It was still dark out.  He had recently gotten a speeding ticket, which is hard for anyone, but when you don’t have citizenship even though you have lived in this country, this city since you were two years old, it can turn into something you can’t recover from.

He stepped out of his house and men were waiting for him.

“Carlos?” they ask.

“Yes…” he responds, knowing.

“Come with us, we are taking you to Mexico.”

“Please, my wife, please, I need to give her these keys, we only have one car.  She has work today, please just give them to her…”

And as his children sleep just feet away on the other side of the wall of their home, their home for their entire lives, their father is taken away.  They couldn’t say goodbye as men take him.  With their father went the income.  Their security, their ability to pay bills.  They lost their best friend, provider, father, in the hour just before the sun came up.  They took him to a place where he knows no one, with no job, and no ability to even visit or see his children.

By the time they woke up, he was gone.  Their mother in tears.  A nightmare unfolding before the day began.  And this was just the start of their loss.

 

“What do you need?”

“I don’t know.  I don’t know.  I’ve never needed anything.  For me, I’m always the one to help.  Help my friends, help my family, help my students.  I’ve never been here before.”

They are close to losing their apartment, her part time job doesn’t cover the bills.  Christmas isn’t even on the menu this year.   Their reality is loss, and the future loss that will overtake their family with each month that passes.  They are numb from it.

Maria is a legal resident with a work permit.  But with a work permit you can’t go to and from Mexico, so the children cannot see, touch or hug their father.

They have looked into everything, but the cost that surrounds them leaves them without hope.  It’s like a bad dream that becomes more real as time goes on.  When he realized that he would most likely miss his daughter’s graduation in the Spring, he finally broke down in tears.  His life ripped from him.

I talked to the librarian at her school where Maria works who loves her and her family, “If Maria can get the next step up from the work permit, a green card, that allows you to go to and from Mexico.  They could see him.  And with that green card, Maria could start the process to get him his legal citizenship.   It won’t be overnight, but it would make something impossible, possible. It could pave the road to him being here.  Being the provider, back to being the father.”

Anything that has to do with legal fees isn’t cheap, but to them, when they can’t afford a kitchen table, it’s something their minds can’t entertain as an option.

But maybe a few people, together, maybe we can. I don’t know.  I don’t know.  I know there are many feelings about immigrants, and deportation on all spectrums, so I don’t know.  After I met them, I came home and told my kids.

“Last year we bought presents for a family.  Well today I met a family, but they don’t need presents.  They lost their daddy.  And all they want is for him to come home.”

My Maria looked at Andrew, the one who made all of her deepest fears of loss and security disappear, “We should help them.”

“I want to help them, too.”

“I like Mexico, we should just go pick him up!” Elijah chimed in, always the problem solver.

“He can’t be picked up, honey.  People won’t let him come unless they pay money.  But it’s money they don’t have.”

“I’ll give him my money, one dollah’, two dollah’s,” he said resolutely, shrugging at the simple connection of the dots, money shouldn’t keep children from their father.

“It’s going to take lots and lots of dollars, honey.  But there are two kids, they are just like you guys.  The little boy is so cute and funny, he loves playing soccer and reading, he’s seven.”

“Did you tell him, that I’m almost seven?” Finley asked, hopeful.

“And the daughter is so sweet, Maria, she’s shy just like you, has the kindest face, I think you’d be best friends.  She’s in high school.”

“Aww, that’s so sweet.  I can’t believe they lost their dad.  Maybe I could sew a quilt and sell it?”

“Oh sweetie, I love your heart.  That actually could be something that adds up… a little bit could add up to them, right now they feel hopeless, like, nothing could ever help them…  They are sad, but they also feel lost.”

They look at me silently, waiting with round eyes, wanting to know how this nightmare could be over, “We can do something.  We can speak up for them.  We can be a voice for people who are being lost, ripped apart.”

“I will,” Finley said.

If we raise $4,000 Maria would be able to get a Green Card.  It will take about six months.  And at that moment, they can see him.  Marisol and Antonio can be with their father.  It will also be then that with the green card, he can begin his citizenship process, only because she has that green card.  This is a fully legal process for a legal US resident to help preserve and reunite family.  A good family, with a good, kind father.  To keep people from sinking into poverty.  To keep children from growing up without a father, which statistically makes things so much harder for boys and girls.

A father is the difference between being ok, or not being ok for them.

This Christmas you can be that difference.  Christmas time is busy and demanding and can also be draining if we aren’t aware.  Somehow we can be swept away with it.  So this is an opportunity towards the opposite.  Not to be drained or swept away, but changing the darkness this family is living in into light, changing the fate of this family, this teacher, son, daughter, father, the gift you are providing is a father.

It’s not toys or clothes or kindles or beauty products.  Its hope, love and family preservation.  It’s believing in the sacredness and importance of family.  Of the importance of a loving father and helping him get home.

$4,000 and it’s done.  I can’t, Elijah can’t (he wishes), they can’t all on their own.  But as a family, we can give some.  We can pray.  We can ask, we can tell and speak for the voiceless and broken hearted.  I asked my kids if they would like less stuff that they would get soon sick of, broken and line too full toy boxes, and instead patch a family together, and bring a daddy home.  My kids can be selfish as anyone’s, but they answered with a resounding, “Yes.”

To love is a gift.  To love is the gift.

We can do something.  Finley opened his piggy bank and got out his $2 bill he got for his birthday today.  He kept the note his grandpa wrote him, but offered the $2 freely.

“I’m giving this to the family with no daddy.”

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He gave joyfully and determined.  He wants to see him home, and made the step towards it.  Which changes every number, and the need. They now need $3,998 to bring him home.

 

This Christmas, if you, or your family are looking for a way to help, to get back to the root of Christmas, this would be a powerful, kind, life changing way.  Talk with your family, your kids, your friends.  A little will add up to a lot.  If 40 people gave $100.  Or if 20 people gave 200, etc, etc.

 

We believe in fathers.  Because we’d be lost without ours.img_5484-1

And if we lost ours one morning, and we started to drown, we would love any help to bring him home to us.

 

Please share this need.  Please donate, any amount is huge, selfless, kind and actually life giving.  We were able to partner with LCOF to ensure all donations are tax deductible (instead of GoFundMe which is not).

You can donate here.

 

 

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Elijah’s Photography

Elijah has loved silently walking around and snapping photos from his perspective.  I actually love going through what he captures.

Here’s a little sample of some of his work.

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Welcome to this full dishwasher shot 🙂

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“Pat-tend you sleeping”

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And he ends with his own signature selfie.

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By,

Elijah Sawyer

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Celebrating Four Years Home

A walk on the pier.  Sunset, pelicans, grimy fishermen pulling up salty creatures gasping for air.  The waves shifting and changing beneath our feet in heavy, dark rolls.

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They dance in the light of the sun setting on this day as the sun rounds towards Russia, to touch their old orphanages and the children who remain.

Light foot steps dance along the thick beams, keeping them safe above the water.

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Because if it weren’t for adoption, arms would be empty.  Hearts would be empty.  And the lie that they don’t matter would slice like an abrasion.

But instead, arms are filled.

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All because of what a judge decided 4 years ago, we can instead live in the light that only love can bring.

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The best I could do ;)

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“Dos dolphins, dey like me!  Dey simming!”

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Good bye sun, may you bring warmth, light and love to all you touch no matter where they reside.

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