Earlier this year, we read a parenting book with our growth group that has significantly changed our lives. Andrew and I were just talking about our parenting prior to this book yesterday, and how much more strife and stress and unnecessary hard work was in our life that had no direct or beneficial effect on their future selves.
Then we read Loving Our Kids on Purpose. It has brought us more peace, more connection, more satisfaction knowing that what we do now will help them in their lives even when we aren’t there to monitor them. I think since reading the book, life has become so much better that we don’t necessarily credit it to the book anymore, we just think we’re doing awesome
The book was written by a man with three biological children, but the introduction features a single mom of multiple children with RAD or FASD who thrive with these methods. It is well written, it is funny, it is crazy how hard we make parenting sometimes. There are many things that stand out about this book to me in a macro setting, but one small thing at the end has to do with sibling relationships. I would have bet big money on the fact that it was my job to physically go in, break up a squabble, force the apology…. dust my hands off, and replay that scene in 10 minutes.
But since reading the book, if they come to me fighting or bugging each other, I have my one line, they look at each other, work it out with mutual, unprompted, self created compromise, and return to play, this time without interruption or purposeful interference while their play.
There are chapters featuring real people, some with teenagers who are acting out in every unhealthy way, and their parents loosing it. After after just a few days, those children COMING to the parents class taught by the author to know, “What is happening to my mom,” because for the first time they are connecting, they are healing and growing…. #everything
It’s a short read, just 5 chapters. It would be great to read individually, as a couple or a group. There are questions at the end of each chapter if you are looking for a good book with great discussion. Our group would run out of time each night because we all had so much to share in areas we and our children were growing. Where our connections were thriving, protected and free from burden.
And in 5 chapters, we are all thriving in such practical ways, while having the closeness and relationship at the center of our family. A gift to any family, giving us and our children what each of us desire.
There are pages of endorsements at the beginning, but I liked this except from the third accolade: “As a high school principal, I had the privilege of watching Danny Silk in action with both my staff and parents. When Danny and I first met, I was at my wits end, having grown tired of giving advice to hurting parents who treated the symptoms of broken relationships yet ignored the disease that caused them. Loving Our Kids on Purpose is a powerful tool that describes the why, but also gives honest, practical application as to how we should raise our children in a loving environment that will allow their destinies to come forth…”
Enjoy! I hope you check this book out. It may even be at your local library. If you read, please get back to me and let me know your thoughts.